Reactance in everyday life: How we recognize and overcome resistance

Your customer crosses his arms, his facial expression betrays undisguised skepticism. You suddenly feel like you're talking against a wall – when everything was going well just now.

Do you know the frustrated feeling when your customers or employees react to your suggestions and arguments with resistance? They seem to block your ideas without you being able to see why. What you may not know: In many cases, Reactance the secret culprit.

Carmen Thomas , my interlocutor in two very recent episodes of the "Voice works!" podcasts, knows the causes. This seemingly unfounded inner unwillingness can make communication immensely difficult, strain relationships and inhibit personal progress. In today's blog, I would like to give you valuable insights from the conversation with Carmen Thomas, who has researched the causes of reactance for many years and has written a fascinating book about it.

Reactance is a psychological phenomenon that describes how people unconsciously rebel against limitations and perceived pressure. In sales and communication, this can lead to significant challenges:

• Sales talks come to nothing because your customers are rejecting your offers when they actually need them.
• Presentations fail to have an impact because your Listener feel unaddressed and ignore your ideas.
• Employees are demotivated and show little commitment because they feel that their opinion doesn't count.

The three main causes of reactance:

1. Threat to freedom: People react sensitively when they feel that their free choice is being restricted. Therefore, avoid ultimate formulations and do not pressure your conversation partners to make decisions.
2. Loss of control: The desire for control is an elementary human need. Therefore, give your customers and employees the feeling of being actively involved in decisions.
3. Felt pressure: When people feel they are being pressured, they often react with resistance. Therefore, create an atmosphere of trust and openness in your conversations.

The negative consequences of not paying attention to reactance

If you think about it carefully, maybe you spontaneously remember such moments of resistance? Of situations in which your interlocutors suddenly showed this seemingly unfounded resistance? Or maybe even in situations in which this inner "No! No way!", although it is not quite logical from a factual point of view?

If we look at the concept of Reactance ignore or not take seriously, a whole range of negative effects can result:

1. Broken communication: Without an awareness of the signs of Reactance can talk quickly become frustrating experiences.
2. Disappeared potential: Teams or individuals could miss opportunities for improvement due to persistent resistance to new ideas.
3. Emotional stress: Lack of understanding for one's own reactant feelings often leads to Stress and inner pressure.

"Problem recognized - problem averted!" is the saying. This also applies to the Reactance . Because once you see through the mechanisms that lead to unwanted resistance, you steer discussions much more confidently through difficult terrain – and you are also much less likely to block the progress of a conversation through your own behavior.

Warning signs: How can you recognize impending reactance?

As soon as you have the slightest feeling in the course of a conversation that the climate of the conversation is changing unfavorably, pay attention to the following aspects:

• You feel pressure to speak: Do you know the feeling that you have to explain more? As soon as you fall into explanation mode, your vocal sound changes and becomes neutral and impersonal. The contact with the other person breaks off, the danger to speak quickly is increasing.
• You argue too early: Only use arguments when the thought you are giving words with your argument is already blurred in your customer's head!
• You sit and speak head-on to your customer: The slightest argumentative pressure from the confrontational body position immediately triggers physical resistance.

Practical tips: How to convert resistance!

• Ask questions instead of assertions. This is how you activate your conversation partners and give them the feeling of being heard.
• Use open-ended wording. Avoid yes-no questions and allow your customers and employees to express their opinions freely.
• Take your customer together. In this way, you open up space for possibilities and give your conversation partners a feeling of control. This increases the likelihood that solutions will emerge.
• Focus on the needs of your customers and employees. Listen actively and show genuine interest in their concerns.
• Create a positive atmosphere. Humor, appreciation and open communication promote trust and cooperation.

The positive results

By recognizing and skillfully avoiding reactance, many positive effects can be achieved:

1. More effective communication: Understanding the causes of resistance makes it possible to communicate more constructively.
2. Increased creativity: By creating space for reflection instead of immediate rejection, you open doors for innovative solutions.
3. Improved relationship dynamics: By empathetically responding to others, you reduce the potential for conflict in interpersonal relationships.

Carmen Thomas emphasizes in the Podcast also the importance of dealing with mistakes as an opportunity for further development, as well as methodologies such as the "one-minute brainstorming" to initiate creative thought processes. Here you can listen to the first of the two episodes:

In conclusion, it can be said that the conscious handling of our own reactant behavior as well as that of our fellow human beings has the potential to sustainably improve our interaction – be it in a professional context or in the private sphere. So it is important to reduce our instinctive aversion to new things and instead find a way to accept this challenge as an opportunity for development!

Recommended reading:

The current book by Carmen Thomas, "Reactance. Recognizing and repurposing reactive resistance" has been published by Adeo. Here you will find a reading sample.

I hope this blog has given you helpful insights into this exciting topic! Stay curious and open – because that's the only way we can grow together!