How to become a better listener
How well and often you listen to others says more about your leadership potential than your intelligence or personality.
Guest article by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic , first appeared on fastcompany.com
Good listening is an underestimated skill. How well and often you listen to others says much more about leadership potential than your intelligence or other personality traits. A current Study shows that good listeners perform better at work, feel more comfortable, and have more meaningful and fulfilling relationships. We tend to trust them more, and they are considered curious, empathetic, and emotionally intelligent.
To some extent, the power of listening can be explained by the fact that good listening is rare. We live in a world where people are often rewarded for putting themselves in the limelight, being the center of attention, and talking as much as possible, even when they have nothing to say. Everything indicates that we are still not fully convinced of the benefits of listening, although most people are happy to recommend this activity to everyone else.
Photo by Nathan DeFiesta on Unsplash
So how can you become a better listener?
The simplest formula or recipe I can think of is:
- Shut up
- Listen
- Repeat
However, this is easier said than done, and I suspect that (if you're still listening) you're looking for something more substantial. Decades of scientific research suggest that if we want to become better listeners, we should work on these four key factors for good listening:
FOCUS
One simple reason why most people find it difficult to listen, even if they plan to, is that they don't have their undivided attention. Distractions, stress, worries and multitasking affect the quality of listening, as we all know from daily experience.
Contrary to popular belief, tasks that require active attention cannot be completed at the same time. Multitasking is a bit like intuition, humor or taste in music: just because we think we're good at it doesn't mean we can really do it. You may be able to continue multitasking while zooming into crowded work meetings, but that's not the same as listening. If you really want to listen, you have to concentrate – that's it.
EMPATHY
The vast majority of people are able to show basic empathy, which is the ability to see things from another person's perspective – but we don't always do that. Stepping out of our ego cocoon and making an effort to put ourselves in someone else's shoes can significantly improve our listening skills. Of course, this is easier if we care about the person, but people are able to be open and considerate of others, even if they don't have feelings for them.
If we really want to create a more diverse and inclusive world, we can not only rely on our empathy (whether we feel something for the other person), but we also need to show rational kindness and compassion.
SELF-CONTROL
Impulsive interruptions are a great danger to listening. If you don't control your emotions, whether they're positive or negative, you'll get involved too quickly without letting the other person speak. That's why mindfulness is a good indicator of better listening.
Waiting until the other person has finished speaking, and even waiting two or three seconds after they have become silent, is a simple exercise to keep your feelings and thoughts under control. Even if you think you're right or don't like what you hear, you're much more likely to win the argument if you wait for the other person to finish, unless you don't want them to listen to you.
And if you really don't care what the other person is saying, don't waste your energy interrupting them.
INCLUSION
Even if you've done the first three things, it's still important to let the other person know that you've been listening. In other words, you want to build a reputation as a good listener. When it's finally your turn to speak, make sure that you take the other person's perspective, refer to what is being said, and respond to their narratives and arguments.
Many people learn to wait for their turn, only to give a speech that they have already planned beforehand, while perhaps successfully pretending to listen to the other person. In short, include the other person in your story so that it is easier for them to empathize with you and listen to you.
Finally, remember that listening is nothing more than any other skill. Some people have more potential than others, but ultimately, we all need to practice to get better. Feedback from others – people who help us in conversations, Meetings or discussions Observe – is important to improve, especially if you can point us out when we are not listening, and when we feel so guilty that we want to change it. If that's the case, it's at least a sign that we've been listening.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic is Chief Innovation Officer at ManpowerGroup, Professor of Business Psychology at University College London and Columbia University, co-founder of deepersignals.com and fellow at the Entrepreneurial Finance Lab at Harvard.
How do you feel about listening? Share your experience in the comment!
If you more about the topic or are facing a particular communicative challenge, Feel free to talk to me about it.
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