The Meeting Slide (Dr. Sylvia Löhken)

Meetings and discussions in groups are often very exhausting for introverts – especially if there are extroverted participants who talk a lot and loudly in such situations. The result: intros quickly feel invisible. If you use the voice correctly here, you can still get attention and convince skillfully.

When loud arguments drown out the good ones

Ines and Edgar are both department heads in the same company. Ines is introverted, Edgar is extroverted. They both hope that they have a chance at the district manager position that will soon become vacant. They are currently sitting in a meeting. Topic: Expansion of the sales network abroad.

Ines: "I did some research – the best option is to expand into the EU markets of Eastern Europe. Poland and Bulgaria have locational advantages. (looks at her paper) We could also benefit from the connections we already have in Hungary, and then there's the alliance we have with the Czech company Ybos, they could then..."

Edgar: (interrupts) "Basically, the proposal is not bad at all - if we pay attention to a few details in the implementation, it could work. Here are the risks: (...) If we clarify these three things, I would say: Let's go!"

Manager: "Hmm. I see. Edgar, would you take up the matter and clarify the open points?"

Edgar: "I'll do it!"

Ines: (looks stunned)

Manager: "Thank you! Optimally. Let's move on to the next point: (...)"

Ines: (rolls his eyes and crosses his arms)

Old emotions prevent change

Under stress, emotions often take over. Then we easily fall back into behaviors that are closer to us in terms of our inclination than anything strategic, conscious and planned.

And so, after Edgar's determined initiative, the introverted Ines freezes in a passive attitude instead of saying anything. She avoids open conflict – but it's easy to imagine what's going on in her head. Extros tend to make "loud" statements in such situations. In these cases, intros and extros have a harder time with each other because their differences collide directly. But if they develop an awareness of their own unconscious patterns (and for advanced ones: the unconscious patterns of others), they can prepare, react appropriately and, if necessary, set boundaries.

Becoming aware of one's own inclinations

So what helps Ines? If you...

knows something about their own typical reactions,
consciously looks,
also knows exactly what she wants,
knows how Edgar likes to react as an extro and how she can deal with him in turn,

then she will be able to express herself in the meeting with sovereignty and focused on her goal.

Those who know each other are stronger!

And there is something else: Those who communicate authentically have a particularly good chance of success in status disputes. Authentic means: in harmony with one's own motives, values and characteristics. So it's about pursuing your own goals according to your own personality – and not playing the big Zampano or the little bunny because some role models seem to demand it.

Perhaps Edgar's behavior in the meeting is consistent in this respect. Ines should act just as coherently when she opposes him. Those who know about their possibilities can confidently use their possibilities beyond their "official" position and, in many cases, convince others who seem much more powerful in purely formal terms. Because it's about using your own opportunities and abilities consciously and as well as possible – if you want to achieve something that is important enough to you to try.

Perceiving one's own ways of communicating and
Know the differences between intro and extro behaviors:

These two factors ensure authenticity and distance. In this way, negative emotions remain within reasonable limits, especially under stress - and personal sovereignty provides the basis for persuasiveness.

Tips for Strong, Introverted Voices: Reprint

Emphasis in the voice gives intensity and urgency to a statement.

The person who speaks invests energy in intonation, volume or accentuation. This creates a high-status signal that shows that the person or what is said is important. Or both!

But be careful: Volume does not automatically win in status disputes.

Even a quiet voice can convey great energy and signal high status!
Many powerful people do not speak excessively loudly. They speak clearly, articulately and with a well-dosed use of energy, but not at all at a booming volume.
Here, too, it is personal security from the inside out that conveys strength.

The same goes for your intonation and volume while speaking.

Strong accents, high volume, accelerated tempo can have a strong effect - but you can also be on the winning side with calm, quiet, well-accentuated vocal leading.

If you are quiet in a very literal sense, then be sure to maintain eye contact.
Pay attention to a moderate but not too low tempo in your voice leading, accentuate consciously and set pauses.
Take special care to breathe deeply and slowly into your abdomen so that your voice carries well and remains steady.
Even quietly, you can speak powerfully and energetically in this way. Simple, short, clear words are then completely sufficient.

And if a participant interrupts you or interrupts you ...

Especially in the case of interruptions by employees or colleagues who are on the same hierarchical level as you, the following applies: Persevere—and keep talking! In a clear voice, insert the following sentence: "Let me finish this ..." With your boss, it can sometimes be wiser to let the interruption pass and stay in touch via eye contact and nodding while he talks. If possible, respond directly to his statement.

So what would that have looked like for Ines?

Edgar: (interrupts) "Basically, the proposal is not bad at all – if we ..."

Ines (consciously and determinedly): "Thank you for your first assessment, dear Edgar. Let me finish my reflections. What is particularly important here: ..."

Speaking loudly does not automatically mean acting powerfully

"Getting loud" is not the same as power. Some of the most powerful and influential people in the world speak in a quiet, calm voice. In the German-speaking world, you don't hear Angela Merkel or Günther Jauch shouting around. And in Anglo-American cultures: Have you ever seen the Queen out loud?

About the author:

Dr. Sylvia Löhken is an expert in personality-based communication. In her lectures, coaching sessions and workshops, she shows which strengths different personality types can use to achieve their professional and private goals. She knows how to translate scientific findings and complex know-how into simple words and easy-to-implement strategies. She writes and publishes regularly about her field of knowledge. Your book Quiet people – strong effect became a bestseller with around 150,000 copies sold and has been translated into twelve languages to date. Her new title was recently released Intros and Extros. How they deal with each other and benefit from each other. Here she gives answers to the question of how introverted and extroverted people can live and work together in such a way that it is suitable and beneficial for both personality types. www.intros-extros.com

The Meeting Slide (Dr. Sylvia Löhken)