Can the voice convince even when listening?
Listening is not the same as listening! Many people are not aware that they betray their inner attitude during a conversation through the sound of their voice, even if they are not speaking at all, but listening! In this article, you can read why the sound of your inconspicuous listening "Mmhm" can unmask your inner attitude and have a strong positive or negative influence on the course of the conversation.
Most people will say of themselves: "Of course I listen when others speak!" But you probably also know moments in which you are already mentally working your counter-arguments, while your counterpart is still explaining his ideas in detail.
Your voice betrays your inner attitude
Not only your character, your assertiveness or your current mood are expressed directly in your voice. Every inner impulse immediately experiences its acoustic correspondence in tone, timbre, volume and manner of speaking. Maybe you know moments like the one where you are asked by friends how you like the new dress, the new hairstyle - or the stunning new idea. And you try to answer in an innocuous nice way: "Ah yes ... Good!", and – without noticing it – betrayed themselves one hundred percent?
The inner attitude is always recognizable in the voice
As soon as your voice is heard (and thus also during your listening sounds), all four main criteria of your voice unfold their power:
- Dominance
- Strain
- (Self-)Empathy
- Attitude and relationship
When listening, the fourth aspect in particular is telltale:
- The sound of your listening "mmhm's" lets you hear your current attitude to the words of your conversation partner
- and makes transparent whether you are inwardly ready to absorb what your counterpart has said.
Do you also know moments when you think you know what the other person is going to say after the first words of your conversation partner? And that's the end of listening, because your head is already preparing your next argument and putting it on your tongue, ready to start speaking as soon as the other person takes even a short breath.
Negative effects on the course of the conversation
The result of these inconspicuous unconscious messages is a tangible cooling of the climate of conversation. The good relationship with each other is disturbed. The immediate consequence is idle time, often characterized by:
- Acceleration and emotional surge in conversation
- Yes, but ..."-Replies and petty Objections
- longer pointless discussions without a clear result
- or even verbal exchanges
Conscious listening and letting people finish decelerating
Listening to the thoughts of the interlocutor first and thus appreciating them is not only an act of politeness and self-discipline. It is an expression of cleverness and rhetorical Skill. You bring your self-leadership ability into play, a strong trait of personal authority.
And here we come back to the power of your voice. Because the calmer and more composed you are inside, the more sonorous and deeper your instrument sounds. Because, of course, your voice reveals the majority of your attitudes, emotions and thoughts while you speak ! What comes into play here is the so-called Proper tone of the human voice. That round, full tone that characterizes every person's voice when she or he is in harmony with himself.
The inherent tone is the "relationship tone". It has been proven that their conversation or negotiation partners react sensitively (but usually quite unconsciously) to whether they are perceived and addressed as an individual – or in a function or role. As Egon Maier or as branch manager. As Ingrid Wollmaier or as a waitress. This is rightly referred to as the "traffic light criterion" in communication. If the traffic light is green, there is justified hope for amicable solutions. If the traffic light is yellow, or even red, a heated atmosphere is the order of the day, there is incomprehension or even arguments.
Controlling the climate of conversation through listening
Do you have any idea what this subtle difference between personal and impersonal sounds like? You probably know this from talking on the phone. Do you sometimes experience that you can tell just by the sound of the listening "mmhm!" when your colleague on the other end of the line is more concerned with his e-mails than listening to you?
- Caution also in Sales and management : If you argue with your customer in a lecturing way, then he will have long since noticed inwardly that you are addressing him in a role or function and not as a person, not as an individual – and that disturbs the communication process considerably.
- So pay attention: real listening is audible! Don't send the wrong signals. Because the relational tone (inherent tone) of the human voice is the basis of all relationship building in conversation.
The voice has power. It is a fundamental stimulus in communication.
Even when listening. Take advantage of it!
Yours sincerely,
Arno Fischbacher
P.S.: I'm happy if you like this post. If that's the case, please share it right away! Do you have a question or would you like to discuss my thoughts with me? Write a comment! I look forward to hearing your opinion!
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[bctt tweet="The voice is a fundamental stimulus in communication. #voicesells" username="ArnoFischbacher"]The author:
Arno Fischbacher is a business voice coach and rhetoric expert, speaker and author. He prepares executives and employees of the top companies in Germany and Austria for negotiations, presentations and media appearances. Fischbacher is the author of several books, past president of the German Speakers Association (GSA) Austria, chairman of the European Network of Voice Experts, stimme.at.
If you would like to learn more about specific training opportunities with Arno Fischbacher, make an appointment here free information talk.
Dear Arno,
du hast ja deinen Chatbot super programmiert. Glückwunsch!
Herzliche Grüße von Cordula
Der funktioniert ganz gut, nicht wahr? War gar nicht so einfach, ihn mit allen nötigen Infos und Anleitungen zu füttern! 🙂