Are you also confronted with many people every day in your job? Then you may also know those special moments when you think "Oh, I'll just put on my friendly face!". Then you act sociable, although in truth you would much rather have a moment of peace. And it's that time of the year again: the next customer or employee approaches you. You surrender to your fate, pull up the corners of your mouth and give your voice that special happy sound. Now, it seems like you're the kindest person on earth who was just waiting to be approached. In fact?

Neonblauer Umriss des Profils einer Zeichentrickfigur auf schwarzem Hintergrund mit ihrer Stimme, visualisiert als lebendige Schallwellen.

pixelio.de/JMG

I advise you to be careful: your voice betrays you. No matter how skilfully you overplay it, your voice makes you audible how your innermost being is right now. And already a first discordant note unconsciously creeps into the conversation and ultimately disturbs the result.

But can it be possible to be truly open and friendly to everyone again and again in the stressful everyday working life? Read four practical tips on how to effortlessly establish true, authentic contact again and again - without bending inwardly.

1. Learn situational self-empathy:
As a first step, actively train yourself to perceive your feelings at an early stage.
• Ask yourself in between, without any special external reason: How do I feel right now? How do I feel?
• Systematically expand the vocabulary for your feelings.
• Do you only consciously experience the particularly strong feelings in everyday life, for example angry, angry, sad, insecure, nervous or cheerful, joyful, etc.?
• Or are there always restlessness, displeasure, being driven, dissatisfaction and the like?

2. Sensitize yourself to the emotional expression of the voice
Start by paying attention to the voices of others before turning to your own voice. This is easier and can be an entertaining training ground.
• How does this voice sound right now?
• What feelings and sensitivities do you hear?
• Do you experience the content of the conversation and tonality in harmony?

pixelio.de/A. Reinkober

pixelio.de/A. Reinkober

Attention: Only practice in trivial conversations. Because in everyday life, the brain immediately focuses on the content of the language, the meaning. As soon as you consciously listen for a few seconds to what the voice sounds like and what moods it tells you, you can easily lose the thread of the content.

After these preliminary exercises, you will now devote yourself to your own expression. You may already know from your own experience that the voice can only authentically express what is there in the person. The artificial smile on the phone is therefore so quickly recognized for what it is: an attempt at manipulation.

3. The technique of the "inner smile"
This borrowing from an old Taoist technique can serve you very well in business. This Far Eastern mental technique proves to be particularly useful:
• as a brief moment of warm-up before entering a room and greeting those present
• just before you pick up the phone
• Before you speak at a meeting

The following small practice steps will enable you to consciously brighten your mood and state of mind in a very short time - whatever is happening around you. They become independent of the good mood of others.

pixelio.de/Bernd Wachtmeister

pixelio.de/Bernd Constable

Make sure you are undisturbed and let your work rest for a few seconds. Consciously feel how you are sitting or standing right now and look inwards.
• Feel inside yourself and let a pleasant, round, warm, full, satisfied feeling arise in your center (for most people this is the stomach or stomach area). You may notice how your breath changes or your spine straightens in response.
• Consciously transform this good feeling into an ever-widening inner smile.
• Let that inner smile slowly rise to the top.

Perhaps you will register that this good feeling now completely occupies and fulfills you. Check:
• In what way has your facial expression changed?
• How do you perceive the world around you after this exercise?
• What does your voice sound like when you speak?

4. The Mind Quiz
Do you happen to be one of those people who like to quietly observe other people in a restaurant or café? Then the following exercise is tailor-made for you, because it builds on one of the fundamental and often maligned human traits: curiosity. The "Thought Quiz" makes you appear friendly and interested again and again – especially if you are confronted with many customers every day – and creates relaxed contact in a fraction of a second.

Suppose the door opens and a new customer approaches you. Enjoy the first impression you perceive and now start your little "thought quiz". Ask yourself one of the following questions and curiously await subtle clues to an answer as the conversation progresses:
• Where is your conversation partner coming from right now?
• Were the moments before entering pleasant or unpleasant for your new interlocutor?
• What is this woman, this man, thinking right now?
When do you think he or she got up today?
• What color is probably his or her car?
•and so on.

From time to time, pay attention to what changes in your inner attitude towards your new conversation partner. What does the thought quiz change in your mood? What does your facial expression show?

The voice is the most sensitive indicator of inner emotions. The sound spectrum of your voice signals powerfully, but unconsciously, what attitude you have towards your counterpart:
• Do you sound busy but non-committal? Then you define a role for your conversation partner that is not particularly motivating, reduce him to his function as a revenue generator, as a box in the organizational chart or even as the cause of new workload.
• Do you sound open, curious, personal? Does your voice allow you to hear those warm, full tones that are referred to in technical jargon as the "proper tone of your voice"?
Congratulations. Then nothing stands in the way of a personal, meaningful conversation.